Tuesday, May 31, 2005

Tip #70: Managing Difficult Participants- The "Rambler"

Difficult Behavior: Has difficulty making simple, concise statements. Makes grandiose theories or complicates simple ideas with tangential ideas. Often confuses most or all of the rest of the group with his/her statements.

What a Trainer Can Do:

In front of the group:

Try to distill the key points from the person's statement.

  • Summarize and recap the content points that were covered prior to the person's statement.

  • When this individual stops for breath, express your thanks.

  • Ask clarifying questions.

  • Set time limits for comments (as part of the original ground rules or to ensure that the agenda can be covered).

  • Diplomatically interrupt to refocus the person on the content.

  • When the person pauses for a breath, ask which part of the question s/he is discussing.

  • Say "Thank you, but let's see what others have to say, now."

  • Use gentle humor to refocus the person.

  • Listen carefully to find the relevant points that are made.

  • See if the person is willing to defer discussion of his or her question to a break, or while others are preparing for an activity.

What a Trainer Should NOT Do:

  • Show impatience.

  • Interrupt rudely.

  • Refuse to acknowledge the person's desire to speak.

  • Make disparaging statements.

  • Allow the person's monologue to confuse the group.

  • Engage in lengthy discussion of the tangent raised by the person.

  • Label the person in front of the group or in private to other participants.

  • Become busy and focus on other things rather than listening to the person.

Real Life Example: I was particularly challenged by a Rambler in a Train-the-Trainer workshop. She was distracted by a number of troubling things going on in her life and tended to preface everything that she said with a reference to these issues. This personal prelude was then followed by a very circuitous commentary. Since she was a very intelligent and astute person who truly wanted to learn the content, there were gems of insight as well as good probing questions embedded in her rambling discourse.

She was also a very deep and deliberate thinker, so she would make her comments just as we were preparing to begin the next module. This affected both our pacing through the content and, quite honestly, the patience of the other participants. This was a four day course and the content for each day was discrete and needed to be completed through application by the end of each day. Eventually, I could feel my own patience eroding and my anxiety mounting.

What ultimately resolved my tension was to spend time with her during breaks and after class, to give her the attention she apparently needed. If she raised her hand or began to speak when it was time for a break, I would indicate that we could continue our conversation or I would respond to her question during the break. If it was time for an activity, I would ask her permission to start the activity and then speak with her while the others began their work.

Although not a perfect solution, this three-pronged approach seemed to satisfy her need to ponder and my need to proceed.

Commentary: When confronted with any difficult behavior, we need to be able to step back and objectively assess what might be the root cause of the behavior. Why would someone ramble?

Some people tell stories that take a while to get to the point, while others tend to intellectualize and take the rest of us along on their stream of consciousness. In both cases, it is a matter of personality and communication style.

Sometimes, as in my example, the person is having trouble thinking clearly and expressing their thoughts in a clear and cohesive manner. And, again as in my example, sometimes the person is attention-starved and finds that being long-winded helps to maintain a (captive) audience.

In all of these instances, it helps to remember that their behavior is not intended to be disruptive, even if it challenges the trainer to stay patient and on track.

Sunday, May 15, 2005

Tip #69: Managing Difficult Participants- The "Distracter."

Difficult Behavior: Asks questions or raises issues which are not related to the topic which is being discussed. Talks on the side about unrelated things while the group is trying to work. Jumps into the discussion without raising a hand or using other courtesies for obtaining permission to speak.

What a Trainer Can Do:

In front of the group:

  • Conduct a large group discussion to create ground rules for basic classroom courtesies.

  • Use a Koosh ball to recognize speakers. In this way, only the person with the Koosh has permission to speak.

  • Post a process map of the agenda on the wall as a continual visual reminder of the topics to be covered.

  • Provide Post-Its on the participant tables and encourage participants to post their questions on a flip chart "parking lot."

  • Clearly introduce each topic and close the discussion on each topic.

  • Quietly monitor small group activities so that you can intervene where necessary.

  • Move close to the distracter who is speaking while others are working, to use physical proximity to prompt him or her to stop talking.

  • Make an assignment that will distract the distracter and ultimately provide the attention s/he is seeking in a more controlled and acceptable fashion.

  • Briefly acknowledge the distracter and indicate who actually has the floor to speak.

  • Say "Thank you, but let's see what others have to say, now."

  • Stand beside him/her.

  • Put him/her in charge of an activity.

  • Try comments such as, "Interesting, but could you hold it until later?"

  • "I'd like to discuss that, but we really have to get back to our topic."

  • If the distracter is conducting a side conversation while someone else has been recognized to speak, make a general statement: "Could I ask everyone to give their attention to [the speaker]? Thank you." or "I'm not sure that everyone can hear what [the speaker] is saying. "

  • If you are able to create a friendly relationship with the distracter, use gentle humor to rein the person in.

In private:

  • Thank the person for his or her energy and involvement- then explain your time or agenda constraints.

  • Co-opt the person- ask for his or her assistance.

What a Trainer Should NOT Do:

  • Get distracted from the agenda or the topic at hand.

  • Lose patience or focus.

  • Get angry at the behavior.

  • Let the person control the discussion.

  • Let the person break the group's classroom rules.

  • Allow the person to treat other participants in a disrespectful fashion.

Real Life Example: I recently gave a workshop for a very large group. One participant, who sat in the front of the room, had something to say about almost everything we discussed. He was polite and always raised his hand, but his comments were often philosophical and tangential to the point under discussion. There were times I was at a loss to make the connection between his comment and our topic. Yet I know that he had a good heart and good intentions, so I practiced my patience and redirection skills. For the most part, I would try to recognize others before I recognized him. Rather than dwelling on his comments and drawing others into a tangential discussion, I would simply call on him, thank him for his comment when he was done, and then move on. When I could manage it, I would indicate that we needed to move on and therefore would not have time for all comments, thereby avoiding calling on him.

My goal was to stay on topic and on time, while involving and treating all participants respectfully. I certainly hope that my demeanor remained patient and welcoming, and that I did not telegraph my growing anxiety to him or to the other participants. I did find that, on occasion, his wonderful rather quirky sense of humor was very welcome. So, rather than labeling him, I attempted to value him as a contributing member of the group.

Commentary: When confronted with any difficult behavior, we need to be able to step back and objectively assess what might be the root cause of the behavior. Why would someone choose distracting behavior?

Some people really enjoy chatting and tend to think with their mouths. They get so focused on their thoughts and expression of those thoughts that they are unaware of others around them.

Sometimes, they are very philosophical and simply miles ahead of the rest of us. As a result, although there is a logical connection to the topic from their perspective, their comment sounds off-base to everyone else.

Their enthusiasm for the topic may cause them to speak out without waiting to be acknowledged. Although their behavior may be distracting to the trainer, their interest and their comments may be on target.

In all of these instances, their behavior is not intended to be disruptive, even if the trainer may tire of trying to rein them in. Patience and firm but respectful facilitation are both key to handling the distracter.



Thursday, May 5, 2005

Tip #68: Managing Difficult Participants- The Complainer.

Difficult Behavior: Complains about anything and everything, including: the room, materials, topics, instructor, organization, weather, refreshments, etc. Focus is on what is wrong or bad rather than on what is right or good.

What a Trainer Can Do:

In front of the group:

  • Acknowledge the validity of the complaint;

  • Apologize for the inconvenience;

  • Determine the desired remedy;

  • Indicate what will be done to address it (if anything can be done);

  • Identify the time necessary to implement the resolution;

  • Thank the person for bringing up the issue;

  • Initiate action to resolve the issue; and

  • Move on.

If the complaint is not valid:

  • Apologize for the person's distress.

  • Clarify your distance from the decision that generated the complaint.

  • Explain that the desired recourse is not possible.

  • Use humor to defuse the situation.

  • Avoid getting personal.

  • Refer the issue to the rest of the group, to show that the concern is not shared.

  • Pretend not to hear him/her.

  • Set rules: criticism is acceptable, as long as it is constructive and offers viable alternatives.

If the complainer may be a spokesperson for the group:

  • Determine whether the person is alone in his or her thinking, or if others feel the same way.

  • If others agree, it may be appropriate to say:" I am not here to defend the content. I am here to explain it and teach you how to use it."

  • At other times, it may be appropriate to allow a limited amount of time for group venting or for posting constructive recommendations from the group.

In private:

  • Provide constructive feedback about the impact of the behavior on the session, the participants, and/or the trainer.

  • Coach the person to select more constructive behavior.

  • Co-opt the person- ask for his or her assistance.

  • Discuss the true source of the individual's complaint.

  • Ask if the person is willing to let the other participants learn.

  • If necessary, indicate that the person is free to leave the session.

What a Trainer Should NOT Do:

  • Argue with the person.

  • Insult the person.

  • Get defensive.

  • Express anger.

  • Let the person control the discussion.

  • Agree with the complainer just to end the argument, if that will mislead other participants.

Real Life Example: Generally, I have found that complainers approach me privately during the break, rather than in front of the group. Their complaints are usually related to their workload, circumstances, or supervisor. I have found that giving them my sincere attention and actively listening to them tends to satisfy them. Sometimes, they complain about hygiene factors (room temperature, availability of certain beverages, etc.)- which I may occasionally be able to address. In those instances, I acknowledge their concern and indicate what I can and will do to address it. Otherwise, I simply sympathize and ask if there is anything else we might do to make them more comfortable.

Commentary: When confronted with any difficult behavior, we need to be able to step back and objectively assess what might be the root cause of the behavior. Why would someone complain?

If the complaint is valid, there probably is some workload or organizational issue that is distressing. The person needs to vent and the trainer is a relatively safe person.

If the complaint is not valid, the person is probably feeling victimized and outraged by something and needs to let off steam. It is important to treat the person with respect but put clear limits on the person's ability to express those complaints.

I recently learned a wonderful technique to minimize disruption. Hand each participant 3 poker chips at the beginning of the session. Indicate that they may vent three times for 30 seconds at a time, handing in a chip for each venting session. Once the participant has used up his or her poker chips, s/he may not complain any more.

A variation on this is to give each person 2 cents and indicate that s/he can put his or her "two cents' worth" into a discussion for 30 seconds. Again, once the 2 cents have been handed to the trainer, that person has no further opportunities to complain.

Obviously, you can create your own rules and process. Just make sure to be clear about the rules at the beginning of the session and implement them consistently.

Tip #69: Managing Difficult Participants- The Unconsciously Incompetent.

Difficult Behavior: Thinks s/he already has the correct knowledge, skills, and ability, when in truth s/he doesn't. Complains that attending the training session is a waste of time. Doesn't feel the need to participate, since s/he is so certain s/he already knows everything.

What a Trainer Can Do:

In front of the group:

    In the introduction, mention that the collective expertise in the room far exceeds your own- and request their input and assistance so that everyone can learn what they need to learn. Also mention that you appreciate that some folks may feel the training is unnecessary. However, someone other than yourself decided that everyone should attend so they could have the same knowledge and vocabulary. If anyone is feeling stressed about having to attend, invite that person to consider it an opportunity to become more conscious of what s/he is doing correctly. At the very least, suggest that they consider it a time to relax, be entertained, and get to know each other better.

  • Begin with a focus question that will determine the extent of all of the participants' knowledge of the topic. Split the participants into two groups to brainstorm and post their answers on flip charts. This will not put the unconsciously incompetent person on the spot, but will make clear to all participants what they know and do not know when the trainer adds in information.

  • Follow this with a questionnaire that asks questions regarding all of the key points to be covered. First, have all participants complete the questionnaire independently. Then have them discuss their answers within the small table groups. Tell them they can change their answers, but they need to be able to report out the correct answer and the rationale for the answer. Debrief the answers to the questionnaire, calling on individuals in the group. If they get the incorrect answer, they can always blame their small groups. This adds humor and provides a safe way for individuals to save face if they do not have the correct answer. Presumably, the unconsciously incompetent person will have a wake up call- either because the small group convinces the person to change his or her answer. Or, if the unconsciously incompetent person was persuasive in his or her group, the fact that the reported answer is incorrect should make an impression on the person.

In private:

  • Ask the person to serve as a co-facilitator by providing real-life examples when necessary.

  • Co-opt the person- ask for his or her assistance.

  • Discuss the true source of the individual's complaint.

  • Ask if the person is willing to let the other participants learn.

  • If necessary, indicate that the person is free to leave the session.

What a Trainer Should NOT Do:

  • Argue with the person.

  • Insult the person.

  • Get defensive.

  • Express anger.

  • Let the person control the discussion.

Real Life Example: I made the terrible mistake early in my training career to take at face value the assertion of a manager that he already knew everything we were going to cover. I, therefore, called on him by name for answers- which he was unfortunately unable to answer. We both learned at the same time, in a very public way, that he actually did not know what he thought he knew. I felt terrible and I don't think that he ever forgave me for his public humiliation. As a result, you will see that I have found group activities that will allow the unconsciously incompetent person to gain personal consciousness of his or her incompetence in a much more private fashion.

Commentary: When confronted with any difficult behavior, we need to be able to step back and objectively assess what might be the root cause of the behavior. Why would someone claim competence when in fact the person was incompetent in a topic?

The fact that we refer to this person as being unconsciously incompetent says it all. This person does NOT know s/he doesn't know! Often, this person is a leader, either by virtue of position or seniority. The person may either be too far removed from daily operations to stay in touch with procedural changes, or may be kept so busy with other duties that s/he is unable to attend informational sessions that would update his or her knowledge on the topic. In some instances, management may simply assume that this person does not need to attend those informational sessions, because they think the person is already aware of procedural changes.

The important thing is to ensure buy in from the person that competence on the issue is important, and then to provide a safe way (generally in a group discussion setting) for the person to realize what s/he does not actually know. No one CHOOSES to be unconsciously incompetent.